Shit is a funny word. "you little shit", "you big shit", "oh shit", "I'm in the shit", "your in the shit", "I've just had a shit", "I've just had a shit and your in it" and "a wagon load of shit" (who has a wagon of shit??)

Just a few examples of the word and its uses. Somehow it has more gravitas to say shit than poo, "your right in the shit mate" than "your in the poo". I've been in some deep shit in my life and I tell you, if I could have swapped it for being in the "poo" I would have done so in an instant.

Could you imagine the great Metropolitan Police telling some poor bloke he's in the poo after they have just manufactured some evidence against him? Not to suggest that that happens of course, I am sure the Guildford 4, the Birmingham 6 etc. were just simple over sites.

And of course, you get levels of shit. It has its own scale. "I may be in the shit" = mild or korma, "I am in the shit" = Basic level or madras, "I am knee deep in shit" = Bad or vindaloo and "I am up to my neck in shit here" = This is Phal and its Go time!.

What is shit scale called I wonder? I suspect it's a Turdometer but let me know what you reckon.

I was recently in the shit, not that momentous an occasion in the Goosehold I agree, but this one had spread to next door and in the three weeks since they haven't uttered a word to me. A touch unreasonable when all I did was wake up at 5am, my face stuck to my keyboard, empty beer cans strewn about and the music on full blast. mrsGoose forgave me as she tends too, eventually, sometimes or not.

Of course, over here we have all kinds of shit until you really need a shit, then we have an "Eartha Kitt" or a "Donald Trump", go figure.

And finally (hooray I hear :)

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic, "It died."

After working on the car for only a few minutes it runs nicely and idles smoothly.

The young lady asks, "What's the story?"

The mechanic replies, "Just shit in the carburetor.

"After a moments contemplation, the blonde asks, "How often do I have to do that?