Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Pooping Peasant Popular in Spain


By Associated Press

BARCELONA, Spain - The Virgin Mary. The three kings. A few wayward sheep. These are the figures one expects to find in a traditional Christmas nativity scene. Not a smartly dressed peasant squatting behind a rock with his rear-end exposed.
Yet statuettes of "El Caganer," or the great defecator in the Catalan language, can be found in nativity scenes, and increasingly on the mantelpieces of collectors, throughout Spain's northeastern Catalonia region, where for centuries symbols of defecation have played an important role in Christmas festivities.
During the holiday season, pastry shops around Catalonia sell sweets shaped like feces, and on Christmas Eve Catalan children beat a hollow log, called the tio, packed with holiday gifts, singing a song that urges it to defecate presents out the other end.
These traditions, in the case of the caganer dating back as far as the 17th century, come from an agricultural society where defecation was associated with fertility and health.
While the traditional caganer is a red-capped peasant, more modern renditions have gained popularity in recent years.


source

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

How to poop - Japanese potty training video

Some of you may have a little trouble understanding Japanese. But you will get the idea. And this just shows that EVERYONE POOPS! If you would like to brush-up on your japanese to help you understand the video please click here.

Or just watch the video!! I find things a little funnier when I can't understand them...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Eartha Kitt and Donald Trump

Shit is a funny word. "you little shit", "you big shit", "oh shit", "I'm in the shit", "your in the shit", "I've just had a shit", "I've just had a shit and your in it" and "a wagon load of shit" (who has a wagon of shit??)

Just a few examples of the word and its uses. Somehow it has more gravitas to say shit than poo, "your right in the shit mate" than "your in the poo". I've been in some deep shit in my life and I tell you, if I could have swapped it for being in the "poo" I would have done so in an instant.

Could you imagine the great Metropolitan Police telling some poor bloke he's in the poo after they have just manufactured some evidence against him? Not to suggest that that happens of course, I am sure the Guildford 4, the Birmingham 6 etc. were just simple over sites.

And of course, you get levels of shit. It has its own scale. "I may be in the shit" = mild or korma, "I am in the shit" = Basic level or madras, "I am knee deep in shit" = Bad or vindaloo and "I am up to my neck in shit here" = This is Phal and its Go time!.

What is shit scale called I wonder? I suspect it's a Turdometer but let me know what you reckon.

I was recently in the shit, not that momentous an occasion in the Goosehold I agree, but this one had spread to next door and in the three weeks since they haven't uttered a word to me. A touch unreasonable when all I did was wake up at 5am, my face stuck to my keyboard, empty beer cans strewn about and the music on full blast. mrsGoose forgave me as she tends too, eventually, sometimes or not.

Of course, over here we have all kinds of shit until you really need a shit, then we have an "Eartha Kitt" or a "Donald Trump", go figure.

And finally (hooray I hear :)

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic, "It died."

After working on the car for only a few minutes it runs nicely and idles smoothly.

The young lady asks, "What's the story?"

The mechanic replies, "Just shit in the carburetor.

"After a moments contemplation, the blonde asks, "How often do I have to do that?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Poop on You

Have you ever been shit on by a bird?

This Picture reminded me of a time I was joining a good friend of mine and his brother to a church picnic. I was an outsider to begin with being an "inactive member". And everyone stares and you can hear the whispers. So the moment I got out of the car I was self conscience about the church members reactions to my presence at the picnic. We were walking up the hill to the food and the church goers, when a flock of seagulls flies right above my head. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the a seagull swarming around my head several times as he was planning the precise moment for his release. I looked up, and it was too late. His shit was headed down to land right on my shoulder. I tried to get out of the way, but I just wasn't fast enough.
Now I was the outsider and the one who got shat on. So needless to say the rest of the picnic was very uncomfortable. I had shit on my shoulder, and I could feel the eyes of the members. I could hear them saying to their children "that's what happens when you don't follow the ways of the Lord, God will poop on you!"

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Happy International Dutch Oven DAY!!!!

Yep I got some fun filled stories about my own celebration of International Dutch Oven DAY!! Stay TUNEDDD!

Dutch Oven Day Is Here





So, finally, the day that Naomi was predestined to celebrate is here. Quite what is so great about a Casserole Dish is beyond theGoose. I guess it's a girlie thing, you know, kitchens, knitting, kittens etc.

"What? What do you mean its not that kind of Dutch Oven?? B*ll%cks"

Seems I had the wrong end of the stick. Mind you, that would explain the puzzled look of mrsGoose when I threw a blanket over and beat her senseleess with a saucepan this morning.

I had done all this research. I found a bloke who was a Dutch Oven Pro, another warmed his up, an outdoor Dutch Oven Specialist and some wierdo who did kept it secret.

Well, I'm off to make peace with mrsGoose. Have a good Dutch Oven day and take care you don't follow through and I'll leave you with these.



Saturday, December 09, 2006

Poop on You!

This is the first of many "Poop on You" Photos I plan to share here at Farts and Poop are Fun!

My favorite saying is "Poop on You".

Do you have poop on you? Send your photo of you with poo to us and we will share it for all to see!

Friday, December 08, 2006

C.P.A.B.H.

Are you one of the millions of people who suffer from C.P.A.B.H.??

If you are then this is a must see video from Natalie Raitano. She helps explain how to get around your disorder and how to cope with the day to day issues that people who suffer from C.P.A.B.H. have.

What is C.P.A.B.H.? And how do you know if you are one of millions of people who suffer from it? Well if you have issues pooping anywhere but at home, then you are one of them. Please take time to watch this informative video.

DECEMBER 10TH! WOOT! WOOT!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Who Cut the Cheese?

And by cheese, I do not mean "pass me a slice of brie". I mean who let out that God-awful smell that just wafted by my nostrils. Anyhooo...in my surfing journeys I have come across a book which is curently high-up on my Xmas list. A perfect potty book call "Who Cut the Cheese - A Cultural History of the Fart". Could there be anything better to read while you snap, crackle and pop on the throne?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Silent But Deadly?



Flatulence, not turbulence, forces plane to land
Passenger lighted matches to hide odor


By SAMUEL SHU
For The Tennessean

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.

"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.

She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.

(Source)

4 Days To Go, Time For Some Fart Exercises

Festive Farting!!

12 Farting Elves: 12 Days of Christmas

There'll be no silent night, holy night here, no no! Trumpet yourself to a very merry Christmas this year with the 12 happy farting elves. There's Trumpy and his brother Whiffy, his twin sisters, Noxious and Potent, their cousins, Stainy, Steamy, Streaky and Stinky, and their little rascal friends Squeaky, Cheeky, Cheesy and Cabbagey...

The Farting Elves : 12 Days of Christmas

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Where the donuts taste better than they smell.

image hosted by ImageVenue.com

Farts With Lumps

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants"

The Ripper

image hosted by ImageVenue.com

Monday, December 04, 2006

5 Days left. Start your Dutch Oven preperations..

Doesn't it creep up on you fast, folks...
One minute you think you have loads of time left, next thing you know it's time to start brewing!

A bored bloke once wrote...

I do declare there is some art
In making you, the perfect fart,
It ain't no easy matter, Mum,
To push this air from out my bum
In such a way that I may pass
Enchanting music out my ass.

Here's a few handy hints to guarantee a great Dutch Oven day..

Line the mattress with bin liners, or an old towel or two. You don't want to buy a new bed, just because you tried too hard.

Take a stick or a small piece of wood to the bedroom with you. Anything you can bite on to aid your grunting has got to be a bonus!

Remember to shave the fall out zone. You don't want to be picking cling-ons and dingleberries for the rest of the evening...

If possible, try to send your spouse up to bed first, say about 20 mins before yourself. This gives them time to snooze off and lulls them into a false sense of security...

and above all, remember.. Have fun!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Be the envy of all your friends, with......


Farting Doorbell

A farting doorbell!
Bring a smile to the Mother-in-Laws face.
Liven up the Postmans morning.
Or even just for your own amusement - it's this seasons 'Must have!'

Or, my fecal fancying friends, perhaps a Fart Ringtone is to your taste?

Farting Ringtone

Now if only someone would invent a 'Farting Car Horn'.

Now that'd make the other guys on the trailer park reeeeeeeal jealous.....

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Countdown to International Dutch Oven Day....7 days left

Ok people! The home stretch is here! 7 days until International Dutch Oven day!! And in order to inspire you fart machines, I present you with Create a Fart!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Countdown to International Dutch Oven Day...8 days left

All you fart connoisseur out there know that beer and broccoli make for some nasty stink, so be sure to stock up! You have 8 more days to prepare for the Dutch Oven day extravaganza! We also want to hear your funny dutch oven stories, or if you have any good dutch oven techniques. Just send them to the email at the top!